The Curious Case of Bob Barrymore

Bob Barrymore ''A Complex Character''

The Curious Case of Bob Barrymore

Bob Barrymore was a complex character. Bob and his family moved from London to Pudsey in 1955 to escape the great jellied eel famine that was gripping the capital.

He never really adapted to Yorkshire life.

To help him try to integrate his mum had bought him a whippet and took him along to the local cricket club, the legendary Pudsey Plodders.  The club had no wicket-keeper at the time, Bob had big hands so he was in.

The whippet did not fool the lads one bit, and from day one he was known as 'The Southern Softie'. The first ever recorded use of the term.

Bob could keep wicket well enough, but his batting let him down badly, and Fred Boycott, the Pudsey captain, did not carry passengers when it came to batting.

Fred became increasingly impatient with Bob, following four successive first ball ducks.

Fred told Bob that his next innings would be his last for the club if he didn't dig in and make stand. The next game was away to Wortley Worriers C.C.

Imagine the pressure on Bob as he marched to the crease to join Fred in the middle with the score on 25-7 off 136 over’s with opening bat Fred on 1 not out and still going strong.

"Need to dig in now Bob" Fred advised.

"Only another 60 over’s to bat to get our draw" he added.

Bob was keen to do well as he knew it was his last chance to impress Fred. Facing his first ball from Bob Sledge, the Wortley pace man, Bob got his left leg forward and played a straight bat, he knew Fred would be impressed with this, he got a thick edge just before the ball thumped into his right pad. The bowler, rather optimistically appealed, Bob felt confident until the umpire’s finger was slowly raised. Bob was out for his 5th consecutive first ball duck. But this time was different for Bob, he knew he had hit it and wanted to let the umpire know. He marched down the wicket, his rage could be seen growing with every step he made towards the umpire, and by the time he arrived you could see his veins clearly protruding from his neck just below his purple face. "I HIT THE F**KING BALL" he screamed at the umpire.

The umpire calmly responded, "If 'thee checks tomorrows paper you will see otherwise, now off you go". It was at this point we saw a different side to Bob. He grabbed the middle stump from the bowlers end, pushed the umpire to the floor and inserted the said stump about a foot into the orifice that lay just below the base of his spine. The umpire let out a blood curdling scream. As Bob walked off to the boundary, he untied his whippet from the fence, and walked home with his pads still on and bat in hand. He was never seen in Pudsey again.

Meantime, Fred was keen to get on 'wi the game. "C'mon umpire" he said, "At least you've got somewhere to hang the jumpers now''. But the umpire was still down and in some discomfort. Worley’s captain was a vet and saw the need to remove the stump urgently. He knew there were no spares in the pavilion.

He shouted to third man "Nip in pavilion and ask Tarquin, behind the bar, for some of his arse cream''. Third man comes out of pavilion two minutes later and shouts back, "Tarquin wants to know if 'thee wants’ Cornetto's or Magnum's".

"Now you know why you field at third man, you thick t**t'' Replied his captain.

While this was going on the groundsman had hatched a plan to retrieve the stump from the umpire. He had tied the boundary rope to the stump and got 20 of the crowd to pull on the rope, tug-o-war style, while the umpire clung on to the heavy roller. It took some doing but after 5 minutes of tugging the stump popped free.

The umpire tried to continue but was unable to concentrate sufficiently enough to maintain his poor standard.

He walked off, John Wayne style, to the car park, where to his horror, he discovered that some bright spark had pinched the saddle off his bike. He had a painful ride back home to Lancashire that afternoon.

A reserve umpire was found and the match continued. Fred managed to bat out a further 58 over’s with the tail enders, using up enough time to ensure the inevitable draw.

 It later transpired that Bob and his family moved back to London immediately following the incident. Fleeing the shame of what had occurred.

 Following the match an EGM of the Pudsey Plodders legacy committee was held in which it was decreed that no person born outside of the county of Yorkshire would ever play for the club again.

That was the story of Bob Barrymore one of the Pudsey Plodders of 1958.

By an amazing coincidence Bob's younger brother was questioned by police for a similar incident some 30 years later.