They Don't Like It Up 'Em

How to come home with four draws...

1.  Be patient at all times. 

As a batsman you must be prepared to digin and bat all day.

2.  Eliminate all shots.

Shots cost wickets and must be eliminated. Forget runs. Wicket preservation is the essence of the game.
No team in history has lost a Test Match while two men remained unbeaten at the crease.

3.  After every LBW decision. Do a DRS signal. 

This will annoy the Indians immensely. When annoyed mistakes occur.

4. Bat Pietersen at Number 11.

The Indian crowd love KP and will be looking forward to seeing him sloggin'. Keeping the crowd restless will rub off onto the team and mistakes will follow. The Indian crowd love sloggers, so they must be denied them at all cost.

5. Don't Declare.

If possible bat well into day 4. The object of the game is to ensure you do not lose.

6. Set defensive fields.

Frustrate the batsmen. These players are used to the bish, bash, bosh of T20. Long innings with hard to get runs will lead to risks and mistakes, wickets will tumble.

We must find out what they don't like and give them plenty of it. In the words of the late, great Corporal Jack Jones: ''They don't like it up 'em''

The art of drawing a match has been waning over the last decade. Defence, defence, defence is the key.

The Indians are under pressure to win. Being negative will frustrate them into submission. Bowlers will die of boredom, fielders will be redundant. We must bore the Indians to a series draw.

Follow the plan and come home undefeated.

It's not rocket surgery.

#digin and #plodon