The Curious Case of Bob Barrymore

Bob Barrymore ''A Complex Character''

The Curious Case of Bob Barrymore

Bob Barrymore was a complex character. Bob and his family moved from London to Pudsey in 1955 to escape the great jellied eel famine that was gripping the capital.

He never really adapted to Yorkshire life.

To help him try to integrate his mum had bought him a whippet and took him along to the local cricket club, the legendary Pudsey Plodders.  The club had no wicket-keeper at the time, Bob had big hands so he was in.

The whippet did not fool the lads one bit, and from day one he was known as 'The Southern Softie'. The first ever recorded use of the term.

Bob could keep wicket well enough, but his batting let him down badly, and Fred Boycott, the Pudsey captain, did not carry passengers when it came to batting.

Fred became increasingly impatient with Bob, following four successive first ball ducks.

Fred told Bob that his next innings would be his last for the club if he didn't dig in and make stand. The next game was away to Wortley Worriers C.C.

Imagine the pressure on Bob as he marched to the crease to join Fred in the middle with the score on 25-7 off 136 over’s with opening bat Fred on 1 not out and still going strong.

"Need to dig in now Bob" Fred advised.

"Only another 60 over’s to bat to get our draw" he added.

Bob was keen to do well as he knew it was his last chance to impress Fred. Facing his first ball from Bob Sledge, the Wortley pace man, Bob got his left leg forward and played a straight bat, he knew Fred would be impressed with this, he got a thick edge just before the ball thumped into his right pad. The bowler, rather optimistically appealed, Bob felt confident until the umpire’s finger was slowly raised. Bob was out for his 5th consecutive first ball duck. But this time was different for Bob, he knew he had hit it and wanted to let the umpire know. He marched down the wicket, his rage could be seen growing with every step he made towards the umpire, and by the time he arrived you could see his veins clearly protruding from his neck just below his purple face. "I HIT THE F**KING BALL" he screamed at the umpire.

The umpire calmly responded, "If 'thee checks tomorrows paper you will see otherwise, now off you go". It was at this point we saw a different side to Bob. He grabbed the middle stump from the bowlers end, pushed the umpire to the floor and inserted the said stump about a foot into the orifice that lay just below the base of his spine. The umpire let out a blood curdling scream. As Bob walked off to the boundary, he untied his whippet from the fence, and walked home with his pads still on and bat in hand. He was never seen in Pudsey again.

Meantime, Fred was keen to get on 'wi the game. "C'mon umpire" he said, "At least you've got somewhere to hang the jumpers now''. But the umpire was still down and in some discomfort. Worley’s captain was a vet and saw the need to remove the stump urgently. He knew there were no spares in the pavilion.

He shouted to third man "Nip in pavilion and ask Tarquin, behind the bar, for some of his arse cream''. Third man comes out of pavilion two minutes later and shouts back, "Tarquin wants to know if 'thee wants’ Cornetto's or Magnum's".

"Now you know why you field at third man, you thick t**t'' Replied his captain.

While this was going on the groundsman had hatched a plan to retrieve the stump from the umpire. He had tied the boundary rope to the stump and got 20 of the crowd to pull on the rope, tug-o-war style, while the umpire clung on to the heavy roller. It took some doing but after 5 minutes of tugging the stump popped free.

The umpire tried to continue but was unable to concentrate sufficiently enough to maintain his poor standard.

He walked off, John Wayne style, to the car park, where to his horror, he discovered that some bright spark had pinched the saddle off his bike. He had a painful ride back home to Lancashire that afternoon.

A reserve umpire was found and the match continued. Fred managed to bat out a further 58 over’s with the tail enders, using up enough time to ensure the inevitable draw.

 It later transpired that Bob and his family moved back to London immediately following the incident. Fleeing the shame of what had occurred.

 Following the match an EGM of the Pudsey Plodders legacy committee was held in which it was decreed that no person born outside of the county of Yorkshire would ever play for the club again.

That was the story of Bob Barrymore one of the Pudsey Plodders of 1958.

By an amazing coincidence Bob's younger brother was questioned by police for a similar incident some 30 years later.

Chris Tavaré

Another in the series: 'My Top 10 Blockers'.

Chris Tavaré

Chris Tavaré is a much maligned player by many of today's wham, bam thank you mam cricket fans.
Only traditionalists appreciated the way he moulded himself to be one of the most attritional batsmen of the modern era.
Chris could play shots, as displayed by many of the superb one day innings he played. Including a superb 83 not out, tonked in just 127 balls against New Zealand in 1983. At Leeds against India in 1982 he hammered his way to 66 off just 120 balls. Chris could slog with the best of them in the one dayers..
In fact in 28 ODI's, and over 1,400 balls faced he managed 2 sixes. Hardly the fayre of a blocker.


Tavaré was drafted into the England team to do a specific job. Quite simply he was tasked with not getting out. 
It was a challenge Chris took up superbly. He simply eliminated all shots from his game. 
Runs became unimportant, crease occupation was the new Holy Grail for him.
Once established in the Test side there was no moving him. 

In 56 Test Match Innings he managed a strike rate of 30.60 per 100 balls. Astonishing in these days of T20 batsmen. He never hit a 6 in Test Matches.

In just two Tests at home to the 1981 Aussies Chris batted for fourteen and a half hours scoring 179 runs at a strike rate of just 29.39. The Aussies hated every minute of it. The only saving grace for the Aussies was that they didn't have to worry about their field placing.

Chris's signature innings was his remarkable effort in Madras in January 1982 to carve out a superb draw for England against India's Gavaskar, Viswanath and Co.
India had knocked a game killing 481 in their first innings, taking two and a half days in the process. England needed to kill time and play for the draw. In stepped Tavaré.

Following Keith Fletcher's instruction to occupy the crease, Tavaré did just that and not much else.
Chris occupied the crease for five and a half hours, and accumulated just 35 runs in the process.

Gooch, batted at the other  for a mere three and three quarter hours in compiling a worthless 127 runs.
Chris was proving to be a worthy successor to the legendary Geoff Boycott as opening bat for England.

Some argue that attritional cricket is not entertaining. I disagree. There is no greater spectacle in cricket than to witness a batsman so determined to protect his wicket that he forsakes any attempt to take any risk for the mere reward of a few runs. It takes a special player to do it successfully.


To be unwilling to yield while the opposition throw everything they can at you, including constant verbal abuse, is a skill to behold.
Chris would make any World XI Test team for his sheer annoyance factor.


Tavaré knew his place in the team as this card he wrote testifies.

The Highlight of Tavaré's Career.

Proper Cricket

As the Big Bash League gets into full swing I bring you an extract from the article 'My Top Ten Blockers' from Forward Defensive magazine of 2008. Proper Cricket.

 Trevor 'Barnacle' Bailey.

If ever you wanted a batsman to digin for the team, Trevor was your man.
His 2nd innings effort in Brisbane from December 1958 exemplifies all that is best about digin cricket.

During his first innings Trevor had a bit of a tonk and knocked 27 off just 116 balls (SR 23.27). He would not succumb so easily in the second.

The facts of his 2nd innings are 68 runs scored off 427 balls in 458 minutes at a strike rate of just 15.92. The innings holds the record as the slowest Test 50 knocked up in 357 minutes off just 350 balls.

Batting in searing temperatures with the Aussie players having to leave the field with heat exhaustion and boredom, Bailey plodded on regardless. Temperatures were recorded at 90 degrees in the shade during the match.

The match was the first Test to be Televised in Australia and the viewers loved every minute of Englands 2nd Innings which yielded 198 runs from 119.2 overs (8 balls per over)  Equivalent to 1.24 runs per 6 ball over.

Viewers would not leave the screens as the brave English batsmen dug in in the exhausting heat.
Bailey was  the thorn in the Aussie side and was the only man to surpass 50 in the drudge fest that was being served up.

'Barnacle Bailey' Shows The Makers Name

During the tea interval of day 4 it is said that Richie Benaud had to be prevented from hammering a brass pointed stump into his foot in an attempt to prevent further exposure to Baileys doggedness.

Day 4 yielded just 106 runs in the day with Bailey occupying the crease for all but the last few minutes.
A total of 16,000 fans attended day 3 and got the first taste of Baileys fare, on day 4 only 8,000 turned up.
The remainder presumably were too tight to pay for a ticket and preferred to watch on TV.

Bailey said of his effort:

“It was a question of endurance, ... We were extremely keen to win the Ashes, because Australia had held them for a long time, and there were moments in the series when it was vital to last out. Everybody has different ways of doing that sort of thing, and my own was to expect every ball to be a good one. Therefore I would simply keep it out. That was my philosophy.”

Baileys effort was all in vane. England lost the match by 8 wickets.

Yorkshireman Fred Trueman seemed to be the only bowler able to ruffle the barnacles feathers, after grounding Trevor in a Yorkshire v. Essex game Fred was heard to grunt:

 “Sorry, Trev, old son – there are many more I’d rather have hit than thee, lad.”

The Art of the Run Out

Running a partner out is not as straight forward as it seems.

Stuart Broad is run out.  Will he ever learn ?

Lots of nuances lie behind a great run out: Motive, style, deception, method, the hidden smirk, the false apology.

Motive:
Partners often like to try and steal the  limelight from the real reason why the crowd are there, which is to see you carve out a 3 day 50. Forward defence, blocking and leaving are the real attractions in today's game. Any partner of mine would do well to learn this, or join the ranks of my victims.  Any fancy Dan stuff on display at the opposite end cannot, and will not, be tolerated.

Another Hapless Victim 

Style:
The victim determines the style of the run out. Reverse sweepers are particularly susceptible to being left stranded and hapless 10 yards from safety.  Straight forward poor batsmen are always allowed the dignity of a fighting chance, consisting of a despairing dive, which by perfect timing by myself, always leaves them 4 inches shy of the crease.

Deception:
The trick to a successful run out is to gain the trust of your victim. Take a couple of easy singles to lull them into a false sense of security before delivering the deadly 'YES, YES..... NO' shout.

Method:
You need to execute your run out in such a way that you ensure the victim can be blamed for his own downfall. One of my favourites methods is to hit the ball towards square leg slightly behind stump level. This is the 'border of responsibility' Then wait a few seconds before delivery of the deadly shout. At the inquest you can always blame the victim for not taking the opportunity to shout 'NO'. Perfect timing of your shout will always ensure the victim takes the blame.

Always allow yourself a sly smirk..

The hidden smirk:
Following a successful run out it is almost impossible to hide your joy at bagging another victim. Save your big  guffaw until you get home. Allow yourself a sly smirk behind your batting glove while all the attention is on the umpires raised digit.


The false sympathy:
Try to show sympathy for your hapless partner, without ever conceding responsibility. Some useful phrases are:
 'Sorry mate I didn't think you'd be daft enough to go for that'
'You need to practice your turning son'
'Hard luck lad, at least I'm still in'

Flintoff... One Hit Too Many ?

You are better than this Freddie..

I've never been a big fan of boxing. I find the hype it produces akin to the 'sports entertainment' dished up by the likes of the WWF and other such three letter organisations that appear all over satellite TV.

Flintoff's opponent, Richard Dawson from the USA, has had two previous bouts and won both. One against another debutant and the other against an opponent that had lost all 4 of his professional fights. So he has no great pedigree. But at the end of the day he is a boxer.
 No matter how much training or how much effort he has put into it, Flintoff is not a boxer. He has been given a licence with no amateur experience to speak of, to get in the ring with a heavyweight boxer. The people that issue these licences see only pound notes. As seen recently with the Dereck Chisora v. David Haye farce.
Boxing has gone down the same track as these 'entertainment' fight makers.
It has no credibility. A plethora of organisations with similar acronyms just serve to confuse. I for one could not name one, of probably half a dozen, current heavyweight champions. 20 - 30 years ago the whole world knew who the 'Champion' was.
As much as we all love Freddie,  I can't help feeling that this latest venture is ill advised. 
Freddie has the heart of a lion but the brains of a Kamikaze volunteer. 

So why is he doing it I hear you cry. Is it to keep his profile in the spotlight. Charity? Advertising? Money? Prestige? Well probably all of those reasons. But he is certainly not doing it for the best reason of all. His health. The boxing world is littered with brain dead middle aged men talking of their former glories without really knowing what day it is. Taking blows to the head from a trained heavyweight is not the advice I would offer to a 34 year old family man.

Back to the fight. What can be achieved? Let's consider the outcomes:

Freddie Wins.  Reaction will be .. A star is born, next heavyweight champion, who's he fighting next.

Freddie Loses. Oh well he gave it a go. Brave Freddie. It wasn't to be. Hang up gloves before you get hurt.

Whatever the outcome.. Sport loses, Boxing loses and Freddie loses.

I  cannot see Freddie surviving the first real punch that Dawson lands. All I hope is that his health survives.

Dig In Freddie, good luck. You will need it.

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1st December 2012

Post Fight Verdict.

Freddie was brave and worked hard. But as I say, he is not a boxer. Style, technique and experience cannot be gained in 6 months of intensive training. At almost 35 years of age I am afraid you have missed this particular bus Freddie. 


It is good that Freddie survived unscathed but that is all that was good about this 'fight'. 
Dawson was clearly under instructions not to throw any real punches. He is a professional bunny, a sacrifice to the next Flintoff outing that will be bigger, better, and more lucrative than this one. All going according to the script so far.

Only one winner last night and that was the art of hype. And Barry McGuigan's wallet.

Sports entertainment, maybe.

Sport, definitely not.

They Don't Like It Up 'Em

How to come home with four draws...

1.  Be patient at all times. 

As a batsman you must be prepared to digin and bat all day.

2.  Eliminate all shots.

Shots cost wickets and must be eliminated. Forget runs. Wicket preservation is the essence of the game.
No team in history has lost a Test Match while two men remained unbeaten at the crease.

3.  After every LBW decision. Do a DRS signal. 

This will annoy the Indians immensely. When annoyed mistakes occur.

4. Bat Pietersen at Number 11.

The Indian crowd love KP and will be looking forward to seeing him sloggin'. Keeping the crowd restless will rub off onto the team and mistakes will follow. The Indian crowd love sloggers, so they must be denied them at all cost.

5. Don't Declare.

If possible bat well into day 4. The object of the game is to ensure you do not lose.

6. Set defensive fields.

Frustrate the batsmen. These players are used to the bish, bash, bosh of T20. Long innings with hard to get runs will lead to risks and mistakes, wickets will tumble.

We must find out what they don't like and give them plenty of it. In the words of the late, great Corporal Jack Jones: ''They don't like it up 'em''

The art of drawing a match has been waning over the last decade. Defence, defence, defence is the key.

The Indians are under pressure to win. Being negative will frustrate them into submission. Bowlers will die of boredom, fielders will be redundant. We must bore the Indians to a series draw.

Follow the plan and come home undefeated.

It's not rocket surgery.

#digin and #plodon

The Legend of Fred

The World Famous Pudsey Plodders

Back Row:  Dilbert Pickles, Bill Bored, Francis Maudling, Steve Dearth, Jack Luster, Jimmy Bromide.
Front Row: Willie Stroker, Derek Dullard, Fred Boycott (Capt.), Bob Barrymore, Colin Bland.

The all conquering Pudsey Plodders were together for a mere two seasons - 1958 and 1959.  They never toured, they never won a game, they never lost a game, yet they are famous the world over.
Formed mainly from the drop outs of Pudsey High School, Yorkshire, the lads got together in the spring of 1958 for a cricket knockabout in Pudsey Park. It was here that the lads discovered their special talents. That first knockabout lasted three days, day and night. (some of the lads had to stop to get back down t'mine). During which time, no batsmen were dismissed, and no runs were scored. Fred Boycott batted for three days and the rest of the team took turns to partner him at the wicket. Many of Fred's partners were forced to retire hurt with blisters or splinters. The bats being used were made from rough sawn timber that had no grips and often caused the batsman's hands to bleed. Fred persevered through out the pain.

The lads decided to form a team, and the Pudsey Plodders, were born. They managed to get into the Bratford and District Colts League following the late withdrawal of the Laisterdyke Lethargic's team due to a bout of indifference that ravaged the team that year.

In them days matches were played over the two days of the often grey weekend. One innings matches unlimited overs, no fielding restrictions, proper cricket to hone the players skills. Matches started at 6.00am on the Saturday with a cut off time of 9.30pm on both Saturday and Sunday. No breakfast, lunch or tea breaks were taken. The games often consisted of 600 overs in total.

From the first hour of the first game it became clear that the Pudsey Plodders had something special.

Day 1.

Playing Listlesshills Tigers from Bratford, Pudsey won the toss, following a superb call of heads from the self appointed captain, Fred Boycott.

Fred chose to bat. His opening partner that day was Colin Bland. During the first hour 22 overs were bowled. Not a run was scored from the bat.  Fred and Colin left anything that was not on the wicket, the ball sometimes skimming as close as a sixteenth of an inch from the off stump. The pair of them had an immediate awareness of the 'corridor of certainty'.  Any ball on the wicket was met with a firm forward defensive block sending the ball immediately to earth never more than a foot in front of them. During that first hour the ball made contact with the bat only seven times. It was enthralling stuff.
So it continued throughout day 1. Fred screaming at Colin at regular intervals throughout the day whenever Colin dared to venture out of his crease when a loose shot from him beat the infield. 'Get back lad' was Fred's regular cry.

Close of Play Day 1.

39 - 0 off  320 overs.   12 nb, 27 wides.

Day 2.

Colin failed to show. It was reported he had attended Pudsey General hospital at 9.45pm the previous evening and had been admitted with symptoms of severe tediumosmosis. A condition related to exposure to prolonged periods of boredom..
Fred arrived early at the ground as fresh as a daisy. Making use of the on site nets for the two hours prior to the match.
Following the drawing of lots in the Pudsey changing room Dilbert Pickles was selected to continue the innings with Fred.
Fred gave Dilbert his instructions. ''Block or leave''. This is all he needed to know.
Dilbert faced his first ball and with his eyes closed took an almighty swing at the ball, getting a thick edge to third man. Fred shouted ''Go Go''.  Fred remained in his crease. Dilbert was run out by 20 yards.
Dilbert protested with Fred that he had shouted GO,  ''Nay lad, ''No No'', I shouted you cloth eared clot''. It became apparent from the incident that Fred was not prepared to share the wicket with sloggers.
Next man in was Jimmy Bromide. He followed Fred's instructions to the letter.
The match continued until 9.30pm. at which point the Plodders had progressed to 53 - 0 with all the runs coming from extras.

The Listlesshills captain approached Fred and asked why he had not gone for runs to make a game of it.
''Don't be daft lad, we've not come here to watch you lot bat, soft arse''. Fred went straight to the nets for a further two hours practice.

The Legend of Fred was born.