The 2025 ICC Trophy: India’s Dubai Holiday While Pakistan Hosts the Shambles

Well, strike me pink and call me a leg-bye, the 2025 ICC Champions Trophy is shaping up to be the most absurd cricketing circus since Stanford's hired helicopter landed at Lord's. 

Hosted by Pakistan, you say? Oh, bless their cotton socks, they’ve gone and rolled out the red carpet—except it’s not for themselves. No, no, it’s for India, who’ve been handed the golden ticket to play all their matches in Dubai, while the rest of the poor sods slog it out across Pakistan like a bunch of jet-lagged nomads. This, my friends, is sporting fairness turned on its head, dipped in ghee, and served with a side of naan.

Let’s paint the picture, shall we? Pakistan, the proud hosts, are schlepping around their own backyard—Karachi, Lahore, Rawalpindi—hoping the pitches don’t turn into dustbowls faster than you can say “Babar Azam’s cover drive.” Meanwhile, India’s lads are sipping chai in the air-conditioned splendour of Dubai, playing every game on the same cushy strip, probably with a personal butler to shine Virat Kohli’s bat. It’s like Usain Bolt being allowed to sleep in a five-star hotel with silk sheets the night before the 100-meter final, while the rest of the field has to fly 2,000 miles overnight, land with jet lag, and run the race with one shoe missing. Fair? It’s about as fair as letting Mike Tyson fight a toddler and calling it a title bout.

The ICC, in their infinite wisdom—or lack thereof—have cooked up this “hybrid model” because India refused to set foot in Pakistan. Security concerns, they reckon. Fair enough, you might say, but then why not shift the whole ruddy tournament to a neutral spot? Nope, instead we’ve got this farce where India’s pampered superstars get to stay in one place, knowing exactly what the pitch’ll do, while Pakistan’s boys are bouncing between venues like a kangaroo on a trampoline. Imagine if the football World Cup let Brazil play all their games at home in Rio, while the other teams crisscrossed the globe on a budget airline with no legroom. Ronaldo would’ve retired in disgust.

And don’t get me started on the final. India have made it—and let’s be honest, we knew they would, given they’ve got the conditions gift-wrapped—it’s off to Dubai for the big dance. Pakistan, the hosts, won't get a sniff of the trophy lift. It’s like hosting a birthday party but letting your rich cousin eat the cake in his mansion while you’re stuck blowing up balloons in the shed.

The absurdity’s thicker than a fruitcake at Christmas. New Zealand, Australia, whoever else—they’re all playing musical chairs with the venues, while India’s sat pretty, probably with a cold Kingfisher in hand. This isn’t a tournament; it’s a Bollywood script gone wrong. Pakistan deserve better, the fans deserve better, and cricket deserves better than this laughable stitch-up. Roll April for some proper cricket, in the meantime I'll be shaking my head at the ICC’s latest clown show.

Chris Tavaré

Another in the series: 'My Top 10 Blockers'.

Chris Tavaré

Chris Tavaré is a much maligned player by many of today's wham, bam thank you mam cricket fans.
Only traditionalists appreciated the way he moulded himself to be one of the most attritional batsmen of the modern era.
Chris could play shots, as displayed by many of the superb one day innings he played. Including a superb 83 not out, tonked in just 127 balls against New Zealand in 1983. At Leeds against India in 1982 he hammered his way to 66 off just 120 balls. Chris could slog with the best of them in the one dayers..
In fact in 28 ODI's, and over 1,400 balls faced he managed 2 sixes. Hardly the fayre of a blocker.


Tavaré was drafted into the England team to do a specific job. Quite simply he was tasked with not getting out. 
It was a challenge Chris took up superbly. He simply eliminated all shots from his game. 
Runs became unimportant, crease occupation was the new Holy Grail for him.
Once established in the Test side there was no moving him. 

In 56 Test Match Innings he managed a strike rate of 30.60 per 100 balls. Astonishing in these days of T20 batsmen. He never hit a 6 in Test Matches.

In just two Tests at home to the 1981 Aussies Chris batted for fourteen and a half hours scoring 179 runs at a strike rate of just 29.39. The Aussies hated every minute of it. The only saving grace for the Aussies was that they didn't have to worry about their field placing.

Chris's signature innings was his remarkable effort in Madras in January 1982 to carve out a superb draw for England against India's Gavaskar, Viswanath and Co.
India had knocked a game killing 481 in their first innings, taking two and a half days in the process. England needed to kill time and play for the draw. In stepped Tavaré.

Following Keith Fletcher's instruction to occupy the crease, Tavaré did just that and not much else.
Chris occupied the crease for five and a half hours, and accumulated just 35 runs in the process.

Gooch, batted at the other  for a mere three and three quarter hours in compiling a worthless 127 runs.
Chris was proving to be a worthy successor to the legendary Geoff Boycott as opening bat for England.

Some argue that attritional cricket is not entertaining. I disagree. There is no greater spectacle in cricket than to witness a batsman so determined to protect his wicket that he forsakes any attempt to take any risk for the mere reward of a few runs. It takes a special player to do it successfully.


To be unwilling to yield while the opposition throw everything they can at you, including constant verbal abuse, is a skill to behold.
Chris would make any World XI Test team for his sheer annoyance factor.


Tavaré knew his place in the team as this card he wrote testifies.

The Highlight of Tavaré's Career.

Proper Cricket

As the Big Bash League gets into full swing I bring you an extract from the article 'My Top Ten Blockers' from Forward Defensive magazine of 2008. Proper Cricket.

 Trevor 'Barnacle' Bailey.

If ever you wanted a batsman to digin for the team, Trevor was your man.
His 2nd innings effort in Brisbane from December 1958 exemplifies all that is best about digin cricket.

During his first innings Trevor had a bit of a tonk and knocked 27 off just 116 balls (SR 23.27). He would not succumb so easily in the second.

The facts of his 2nd innings are 68 runs scored off 427 balls in 458 minutes at a strike rate of just 15.92. The innings holds the record as the slowest Test 50 knocked up in 357 minutes off just 350 balls.

Batting in searing temperatures with the Aussie players having to leave the field with heat exhaustion and boredom, Bailey plodded on regardless. Temperatures were recorded at 90 degrees in the shade during the match.

The match was the first Test to be Televised in Australia and the viewers loved every minute of Englands 2nd Innings which yielded 198 runs from 119.2 overs (8 balls per over)  Equivalent to 1.24 runs per 6 ball over.

Viewers would not leave the screens as the brave English batsmen dug in in the exhausting heat.
Bailey was  the thorn in the Aussie side and was the only man to surpass 50 in the drudge fest that was being served up.

'Barnacle Bailey' Shows The Makers Name

During the tea interval of day 4 it is said that Richie Benaud had to be prevented from hammering a brass pointed stump into his foot in an attempt to prevent further exposure to Baileys doggedness.

Day 4 yielded just 106 runs in the day with Bailey occupying the crease for all but the last few minutes.
A total of 16,000 fans attended day 3 and got the first taste of Baileys fare, on day 4 only 8,000 turned up.
The remainder presumably were too tight to pay for a ticket and preferred to watch on TV.

Bailey said of his effort:

“It was a question of endurance, ... We were extremely keen to win the Ashes, because Australia had held them for a long time, and there were moments in the series when it was vital to last out. Everybody has different ways of doing that sort of thing, and my own was to expect every ball to be a good one. Therefore I would simply keep it out. That was my philosophy.”

Baileys effort was all in vane. England lost the match by 8 wickets.

Yorkshireman Fred Trueman seemed to be the only bowler able to ruffle the barnacles feathers, after grounding Trevor in a Yorkshire v. Essex game Fred was heard to grunt:

 “Sorry, Trev, old son – there are many more I’d rather have hit than thee, lad.”

The Art of the Run Out

Running a partner out is not as straight forward as it seems.

Stuart Broad is run out.  Will he ever learn ?

Lots of nuances lie behind a great run out: Motive, style, deception, method, the hidden smirk, the false apology.

Motive:
Partners often like to try and steal the  limelight from the real reason why the crowd are there, which is to see you carve out a 3 day 50. Forward defence, blocking and leaving are the real attractions in today's game. Any partner of mine would do well to learn this, or join the ranks of my victims.  Any fancy Dan stuff on display at the opposite end cannot, and will not, be tolerated.

Another Hapless Victim 

Style:
The victim determines the style of the run out. Reverse sweepers are particularly susceptible to being left stranded and hapless 10 yards from safety.  Straight forward poor batsmen are always allowed the dignity of a fighting chance, consisting of a despairing dive, which by perfect timing by myself, always leaves them 4 inches shy of the crease.

Deception:
The trick to a successful run out is to gain the trust of your victim. Take a couple of easy singles to lull them into a false sense of security before delivering the deadly 'YES, YES..... NO' shout.

Method:
You need to execute your run out in such a way that you ensure the victim can be blamed for his own downfall. One of my favourites methods is to hit the ball towards square leg slightly behind stump level. This is the 'border of responsibility' Then wait a few seconds before delivery of the deadly shout. At the inquest you can always blame the victim for not taking the opportunity to shout 'NO'. Perfect timing of your shout will always ensure the victim takes the blame.

Always allow yourself a sly smirk..

The hidden smirk:
Following a successful run out it is almost impossible to hide your joy at bagging another victim. Save your big  guffaw until you get home. Allow yourself a sly smirk behind your batting glove while all the attention is on the umpires raised digit.


The false sympathy:
Try to show sympathy for your hapless partner, without ever conceding responsibility. Some useful phrases are:
 'Sorry mate I didn't think you'd be daft enough to go for that'
'You need to practice your turning son'
'Hard luck lad, at least I'm still in'

The Legend of Fred

The World Famous Pudsey Plodders

Back Row:  Dilbert Pickles, Bill Bored, Francis Maudling, Steve Dearth, Jack Luster, Jimmy Bromide.
Front Row: Willie Stroker, Derek Dullard, Fred Boycott (Capt.), Bob Barrymore, Colin Bland.

The all conquering Pudsey Plodders were together for a mere two seasons - 1958 and 1959.  They never toured, they never won a game, they never lost a game, yet they are famous the world over.
Formed mainly from the drop outs of Pudsey High School, Yorkshire, the lads got together in the spring of 1958 for a cricket knockabout in Pudsey Park. It was here that the lads discovered their special talents. That first knockabout lasted three days, day and night. (some of the lads had to stop to get back down t'mine). During which time, no batsmen were dismissed, and no runs were scored. Fred Boycott batted for three days and the rest of the team took turns to partner him at the wicket. Many of Fred's partners were forced to retire hurt with blisters or splinters. The bats being used were made from rough sawn timber that had no grips and often caused the batsman's hands to bleed. Fred persevered through out the pain.

The lads decided to form a team, and the Pudsey Plodders, were born. They managed to get into the Bratford and District Colts League following the late withdrawal of the Laisterdyke Lethargic's team due to a bout of indifference that ravaged the team that year.

In them days matches were played over the two days of the often grey weekend. One innings matches unlimited overs, no fielding restrictions, proper cricket to hone the players skills. Matches started at 6.00am on the Saturday with a cut off time of 9.30pm on both Saturday and Sunday. No breakfast, lunch or tea breaks were taken. The games often consisted of 600 overs in total.

From the first hour of the first game it became clear that the Pudsey Plodders had something special.

Day 1.

Playing Listlesshills Tigers from Bratford, Pudsey won the toss, following a superb call of heads from the self appointed captain, Fred Boycott.

Fred chose to bat. His opening partner that day was Colin Bland. During the first hour 22 overs were bowled. Not a run was scored from the bat.  Fred and Colin left anything that was not on the wicket, the ball sometimes skimming as close as a sixteenth of an inch from the off stump. The pair of them had an immediate awareness of the 'corridor of certainty'.  Any ball on the wicket was met with a firm forward defensive block sending the ball immediately to earth never more than a foot in front of them. During that first hour the ball made contact with the bat only seven times. It was enthralling stuff.
So it continued throughout day 1. Fred screaming at Colin at regular intervals throughout the day whenever Colin dared to venture out of his crease when a loose shot from him beat the infield. 'Get back lad' was Fred's regular cry.

Close of Play Day 1.

39 - 0 off  320 overs.   12 nb, 27 wides.

Day 2.

Colin failed to show. It was reported he had attended Pudsey General hospital at 9.45pm the previous evening and had been admitted with symptoms of severe tediumosmosis. A condition related to exposure to prolonged periods of boredom..
Fred arrived early at the ground as fresh as a daisy. Making use of the on site nets for the two hours prior to the match.
Following the drawing of lots in the Pudsey changing room Dilbert Pickles was selected to continue the innings with Fred.
Fred gave Dilbert his instructions. ''Block or leave''. This is all he needed to know.
Dilbert faced his first ball and with his eyes closed took an almighty swing at the ball, getting a thick edge to third man. Fred shouted ''Go Go''.  Fred remained in his crease. Dilbert was run out by 20 yards.
Dilbert protested with Fred that he had shouted GO,  ''Nay lad, ''No No'', I shouted you cloth eared clot''. It became apparent from the incident that Fred was not prepared to share the wicket with sloggers.
Next man in was Jimmy Bromide. He followed Fred's instructions to the letter.
The match continued until 9.30pm. at which point the Plodders had progressed to 53 - 0 with all the runs coming from extras.

The Listlesshills captain approached Fred and asked why he had not gone for runs to make a game of it.
''Don't be daft lad, we've not come here to watch you lot bat, soft arse''. Fred went straight to the nets for a further two hours practice.

The Legend of Fred was born.